Tag: Women

The Ongoing Battle

On By Avalon Vic4 Comments
armored-woman
Photo Source: revealing him.com

 

It’s been four years since D day – the day my world collapsed. The day that catapulted me into a new realm of experiences that eventually led to healing, peace, and more resiliency. Since that day, I have experienced God’s love and answers to prayer. I’ve learned more about mindfulness and how to listen to my body. I continue to learn, grow, and discover who I really am. Underneath the scarred and wounded heart, there’s a solid, confident, and good person. When I’m in touch with my confident self, I feel centered and in touch with the core of my being. It’s a glorious feeling and I think it is the source of true joy.

But sometimes I neglect my self-care practices and get too casual with my daily health habits. That’s when life gets out of kilter, I lose touch with my core, and as a result, my resilience fades. I foolishly risk my own resilience with complacency, making myself vulnerable to emotional triggers and disappointments.

Today, is one of those out-of-kilter days. I said a prayer this morning asking for some relief from the deafening messages that tell me I’m not good enough. It has been a long time since I’ve had to fight this battle. I was hoping to someday raise my hands in the air as victor over doubts of self worth, but I let my shield of resiliency get weak and this weary warrior is grappling to find my source of joy again.

I didn’t feel that I was worthy to have God answer my morning prayer. I said the words and let them go, hoping they would fly upward and miraculously soar to a Supreme Power.

I didn’t think about my prayer again until later in the day when a professionally dressed and beautiful young woman approached me while I was pushing my shopping cart at the market. She was one of my students from years ago. We chatted for a time and I was thrilled to learn of her life accomplishments. After a few minutes, it seemed time to end the conversation, but this lovely young woman stopped me. “It’s interesting to me that I was actually thinking about you this morning,” she told me. “I was hoping I could have a chance someday to tell you how you were one of my favorite teachers. Thank you!”

It’s amazing how much power there is in a simple compliment.

The experience was a small miracle, but it fulfilled a mighty big need for me. It was a reminder that I have value. It reaffirmed that God hears and answers prayers, even if I don’t think I’m deserving. Best of all, for a fleeting moment, I felt joy and hope!

I know my confident inner core exists and she’s waiting for me. I keep reaching and searching because I know from past experience, she’ll be with me, again. She always returns, so I never give up on her. With God’s help, a lot of self-care, and diligent healing work every day, I will uncover the confident and resilient me that hides for shelter when I take her for granted.  Weary warriors always have a little fight left in them.

My Sunday

On By Avalon Vic3 Comments
young-woman-625575-gallery
Source: http://www.lds.org

She was sitting directly in front of me during our church sacrament meeting. She usually kept to herself, sort of quiet. Her hair was colored blond and styled simply. I don’t remember her walking into the chapel; all I remember is how the back of her head looked.

It was fast and testimony meeting day when members of the congregation are invited to go to the pulpit and share their testimonies of Christ. We do this once a month, so it’s kind of a routine thing. The meeting was spiritually up-lifting. It felt good to soak up the inspiring thoughts, stories, and testimonies of others.

I looked at the clock. It was time for the meeting to end. I picked up my hymnal and prepared to sing the closing congregational hymn as the bishop approached the pulpit to close the meeting.

That’s when it happened.

The woman in front of me stood and walked toward the pulpit. She raised her arm up toward the bishop, gesturing for him to wait. The bishop nodded his acceptance of her request and sat back down. I thought she was brave to hold up the meeting like that.

She walked to the steps that would take her on the raised platform where the pulpit stood. Then she stopped. She just stopped there. She didn’t move. She was frozen in that spot.

It didn’t take long for others to notice that there might be a problem. In one graceful motion, the Women’s Relief Society president, left her seat and approached the woman from behind. She gently rested her hand on the woman’s back and then came to her side, whispering in the woman’s ear.

At the same time, the organist quickly left her bench with an understanding smile. She was facing the woman when she moved toward her, all the while trying to reassure her with a confident “you can do this” kind of nod.

There they were in a small huddle. Three women. One was in need, and two were reaching out. The huddle lasted at least two minutes, a long time when a large congregation has nothing to do but wait.

After whispers and reassuring smiles, the two women moved aside while the other woman found her intended destination at the pulpit.

She was crying. She was embarrassed that she was crying. She didn’t want to cry and so she had stopped at the steps hoping to manage the tears. “The tears keep coming out,” she said as she broke down again.

And then her story unfolded. She used all the couched and coded messages of a betrayed wife: “alone” “family in crisis” “pain” and “hurt.” Her final statement was emphatic and her voice rang clearly through the chapel. “I am strong and I will be ok! I know I will!”

As she returned to her seat, I found myself looking at the back of her head once again. I wondered if she knew the stories of the women that came to her aid. I wondered if she knew that our Relief Society president was betrayed by her husband years ago and she now lives a life that is exemplary of the power of forgiveness. I wondered if she knew that the organist has battled depression and anxiety as she works through marital and other family issues. I wondered if she could ever guess that the sister behind her, looking at the back of her head, is also a betrayed wife. I wondered.

I tapped her on the shoulder. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I leaned forward  and whispered in her ear. “You are not alone.”

We, none of us, are alone. We are in the company of many good women that have walked through the refiner’s fire and come out on the other side with more resilience and strength. We can stand together with confidence. We are strong and we will be ok.